In 2017, I learned the secret to overcoming negative self-talk and insecurity, and living a sustainably fulfilling life.
I just started going to the gym regularly about 6 months ago, and I have been reading about nutrition and exercise for years. I had lots of body image issues growing up which lead to an eating disorder, known as bulimia, which I struggled with in silence for years. I had this idea that I had to lose weight. Originally, I tried lots of crash diets, that would promise impossible results. All of these diets were extremely restrictive. This restriction lead me to binge eating. I felt so guilty about bingeing that I would purge – exercise excessively and force myself to throw up. This was how I lived my life for years. I was afraid of food. I had no sense of hope. I truly believed I would always hate my body and I would never be happy. I thought I would always look in the mirror and see myself as “disgusting.” I was in a very dark place.
Finally, in my senior year of high school, I found the key. I took my first fitness and weight training class. I learned lots of new exercises that I had never done before. It became very interesting to me that we have the power to manipulate our bodies. I was getting stronger, and started to see new muscles. I loved it so much that I took the same class again, two quarters in a row! It was the first time that I felt like I could change myself for the better. I looked in the mirror and saw positive changes. I saw my potential. The idea that I had to eat to fuel my workouts and feed my muscles helped me regain normal eating patterns and a good relationship with food. I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. I learned that carbs are fuel, protein creates muscles, and your body needs fat. I felt so good after every class. I realized that this was the path that I needed to take. When I graduated high school, I joined a gym and started going a few times a week but I was very inconsistent with no set plan and I eventually became busy balancing work and school, and I stopped going.
My body image issues returned, and I was miserable for a while. Once I moved to a location closer to my job and didn’t have to drive so much, I joined another gym and started going regularly. I just started seriously lifting (with a barbell, not just machines) about 4 months ago, and I went from a 95lb back squat (with bad form) to a 185lb squat with good form. I am becoming more and more serious about weight training and powerlifting. I love the feeling of lifting a heavier weight than before, and working my muscles to exhaustion. I love that these accomplishments are measurable and there is no limit to what I can achieve. I feel so positive and bright, like I found the light.
I decided I want to become a trainer so I can help people in all walks of life find joy in exercise. I want everyone to experience the sensations that saved me from my eating disorder. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been, and I want to show others that they can take control of their health and overcome any obstacle. There is so much you learn in the gym that applies to every day life, such as perserverance and the value of working hard for slow results instead trying to achieve instant results. I want to teach others to love fitness like I do and improve their health and lives. I’m in a physical therapy program in college, with a minor in nutrition because I want to take it to the next level one day, by healing people with injuries, deformities, and pain, to become more active and live happier, healthier lives. I have found a true passion and I believe it is my purpose in life to stay on this road, and to help others find the light.
Most of all, I want everyone to know that lifting weights is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I want all the girls, especially, to know, you don’t have to starve yourself to lose weight. You can lift and eat and be happy. You don’t have to stick to a certain diet to get results. You don’t have to be “toned” or lean to be fit. You don’t have to wear Gymshark and do booty workouts. You can be strong without getting buff. You can get buff and not look like a man. Weight training gives you more control over your appearance than any crash diet or “summer body in 5 minutes” workout ever could. It also teaches you mental strength that you aren’t taught in school. The sense of accomplishment you feel when you achieve something new is unexplainable. This is what will keep you going. The people in this industry are (mostly) extremely supportive and positive people who truly want to help you, like me. There is a way out. There is a way to overcome your negative self-image and reach a higher level of happiness. This is the way.
Marisa Cummings, Fitness Enthusiast.
Any individuals in sports and fitness who would like to share their voice, please submit to hank@hankfittraining.com