“When I was 4 years old, I went on a walk with my nanny, she brought us down to a little market near my house and I saw people Irish Dancing, and I was 4. I went home to my mom, ‘this is what I want to do.’ I begged her for 4 months before she signed me up and found classes.
I like how it was a team environment but it was an individual sport. We competed as soloist, and you were able to grow up with people and really progress, there are a lot of opportunities because it wasn’t a popular sport when I got into it.
I loved every single part of it, I loved competing, I loved training, I loved my coaches, I loved how it was so athletic and you can train so hard but it’s also so artistic and rhythmic. It’s really an inventive place to be.
My dance teachers were always my biggest motivations, they were very successful when they were younger. They would push us, and try to see potential in us. They always tried to get us to the best we can be and never gave up on us.
1 year I had not done well at a qualifier.. I was upset, I was 1 place off of qualifying for the World Championships. My teacher right away pulled me aside and she said, ‘it’s alright, we’ll take you to the next biggest competition, we’ll get you out there, we’re still going to keep pushing, this is 1 year, this isn’t your entire career, we’re still going to strive to make you better, to get you traveling and to expose you to these high level competitions.’ I was only 12 at the time, and she ended up taking me to Ireland, just me and her.
In dance, you always people in your classes, I had a girl who was couple years older than me, she was always very humble and very amazing. She would work super hard and she was very authentic. She would be opened when she was upset, and opened when she was having a hard time. I think she was only 2 years older than me but she just kept pushing, she’s top 5 year in the world. Even to this day in all parts of life she’s somebody I really look up to, she’s gone through injuries. Her name is Mackenzie Cross. She started from a place where she was the underdog, she wasn’t the best but she just kept putting pushing and pushing and pushing. She never really get things get in her way.
Getting injured, I ruptured a cartilage in my foot when I just turned 15. I was being treated for that injury, that was right before World Championships. They thought that had healed but they did a bone scan and realized the entire time I had another bone in my foot that had shattered into 6 pieces and that hadn’t been treated right away and was labeled a chronic injury. That was something that held me back for the rest of the time that I danced because I was in a lot of pain. That was definitely the hardest to get through. I still competed at that World Championships but it put a big mental wall for me because I couldn’t train and I couldn’t perform to where I wanted to, I just saw the performer, the competitor and the athlete I was before, I felt like I was always striving to get back to that point? Even if it wasn’t so much of a physical wall at a certain point, it was super mental, where I couldn’t put myself out there anymore.
It was really hard, it felt like… I was 15 and I lost a big thing.. the one thing that I had. It lost the one thing I identified with my entire life. It was what I spent all my time on, all of the sudden I had this free time that I wasn’t use to. I had lost a big part of my identity, it was something that I didn’t want to give up on but it definitely made me struggle. It brought up a lot of underlying issues where they treat the injury but they didn’t necessarily treat going through it, and the changes you would have going from training hours and hours a day to not being able to do much. And having body image issues arise with that because you’re seeing everything about yourself change, and mentally you’re trying to stay on top of it and stay an athlete but you’re not being able to really execute any of that was really really difficult.
My one advice is to take care of yourself first and accept that it’s okay to grieve that loss of yourself and that part where you might really struggle with losing part of your identity but there’s other things that you can do. Even if you’re not really able to train, really still connect with your coaches and stay in the community because if those were the people that were lifting you up before they should still lift you up… even if you’re not able to train and compete.
I think I definitely could’ve handled that time better. My injury was stress related, it was overuse. And I think if I had realized before that taking breaks was okay, and listening to your body… because you just really want to push yourself and get better and it’s the only thing I saw… I didn’t really see myself as a human, I saw myself as a dancer. Going back, I would’ve really wanted to be okay with taking breaks and really trying to heal all parts of yourself. I just wish I hadn’t been so focused on the injury and see myself as a whole person instead.
I think my life would be a lot different if I was still able to train and compete. I think in a way I’m happy with it now because I do a lot of different things and I’ve got to explore different parts of myself and able to have experiences that I’ve never would. But I also see the girls I use to compete with, I’m still really good friends with a lot of them, I still feel a big sense of regret when I see them and just realizing that’s not what I can do.
I think even when you are a high level athlete or really dedicated to something, always be open to talking to people about how you feel. I’m going to keep saying this but see yourself as a whole person, see different parts of yourself that you really love and cherish if that’s your friends or hobby outside of your sport or something you really enjoy doing like walking your dog. Really cherish those parts of yourself and kind of make it a bigger part of your life, make it weigh more on it just so if something does happen, you don’t immediately lose your whole self.” -Shannon Game.