I had always wanted to be those cool and popular kids you see in the high school movies. Upon entering high school, I found myself going to extreme measures to earn a “title” for myself. I would message loads of people on Facebook to make friends from all over the place, I would call myself Beyonce to become memorable to others and I even jumped off several high school bleachers to gain attention. Later on in the year, some of my friends sprung the idea of smoking weed and getting high onto me.
“C’mon! It’d be so cool! Like you’ll just feel super happy and stuff!”
I declined at first since I knew that it was harmful for the brain of growing teenagers. However after weeks and weeks of all of my friends getting recognition for being “cool”, something in me just caved in. I really wanted to uphold my “title” and if I needed to do so by trying some weed one time then fine. I’ll never forget the first time I got high. The world suddenly started to shift into a trance like state of euphoria and glee. I kept asking again and again, “Is this a dream? Is this really happening right now?” as my mind was experiencing something completely new. I developed a desire for more of that feeling of elation soon after.
That summer on, I was on a wild goose chase for that high 24/7. I slowly needed more and more to get that same feeling of euphoria and on the days where I didn’t smoke, I felt uneasy and anxious. When Grade 9 rolled around, I had developed a dependency where I needed a toke just before coming to school. On 4/20 was the day where things really spiraled downwards. I decided to skip school for a downtown event which ended in a hospital trip, my parents finding out and a not so happy principal. My parents constantly nagged at me to get my act together but I didn’t listen. The following summer, I added alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, MDMA and late nights out without consent into the lifestyle I was living. I was still on that chase for excitement from fleeting sources of happiness.
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom in Grade 10 that I knew that I needed to change. My body was in a “deep rest” from all of the abuse I put it through with all of the toxic substances and lack of nourishment I was providing it. This deep rest was my deep-rest-sion. I decided to go cold turkey and quit all of my habits. And man, the withdrawal symptoms and consequences were beyond bad. The depression and the anxiety I experienced in this time frame was so hard to bare with. I couldn’t talk to people, I couldn’t stay in class without wanting to cry, I didn’t enjoy anything I used to, I constantly denied hanging out with anybody, and I had feelings of wanting to die every single day. My mental state of mind was just wrecked. I became completely numb and dead inside.
The run I went on on one particular night was a run that turned things around for me. I wanted to escape my home from all the constant yelling and just listen to music. I just wanted to hear anything but my two parents yelling. I just ran and ran and ran and didn’t stop. I was only immersed in my music, my heavy breathing and the cold night’s air. Then when I stopped for a breather, I noticed something. A feeling. A feeling that felt good. A feeling of euphoria. Just pure euphoria!
Running then became my new high. I became obsessed with it all. The endorphins, the way the wind felt, and the feeling of accomplishment after every run was just as, not if more amazing than getting high from anything else. I joined the Basketball and Track team and never looked back. I fell in love with the process of becoming more physically fit. Being able to improve my stamina, strength and my health was something I found extremely satisfying. I found that the more I focused on just nourishing and taking care of my body, the more my mental health shifted for the better as well. I dug myself out of the hole I was in more and more every time I went to the gym or was conscious about what I was feeding myself or every time I said no to smoking or partying. I started to see more clearly, regain confidence naturally, and feel better about myself overall.
Fast forward to today and I am beyond proud of myself that I decided to let that old lifestyle go. There is nothing more I enjoy than the endorphins after a workout, having a well deserved cheat meal, being a part of the fitness industry and inspiring others to lead a healthy lifestyle! Ever since I’ve started to emphasize balance and self care more and more, I’ve become more healthier & happier than ever. Going for that run was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. ♡
Kimberly Huynh, Fitness Enthusiast (@fitwitkim).
Any individuals in sports and fitness who would like to share their voice, please submit to hank@hankfittraining.com